Friday, January 27, 2012

{The Walls I've Built}

Over a year ago, I decided to write a poem. I have never been one to write poetry, but the words simply came to me and I was compelled to write about the emotion I felt welling inside. I just rediscovered it while going through personal files and realized, as I read, that in some strange way I had written a poem in the past that would speak to my present life. Sometimes timing is everything. I am a little nervous to share it publicly, but I think that perhaps it may speak to some of you as well. Enjoy.

The walls I’ve built are strong, durable, lasting...

They are made up of a mortar of expectations.
They are glued together with piercing doubts.
They reach the heights of my dreams.
They are unmoving.
I am a slave to these walls.
I have built them, slow and steady, brick by brick.
I have detached myself from the present to focus on these walls; my protection in the future.
I tell myself they will surround me when I need them most.
They will protect me from hurt.
They will block pain & suffering.
They are my most treasured project, these walls.
I have been faithful to them and they have been faithful to me.
I have put more time into these walls than most other things.
I think of them every day.
They: my expectations and my doubts, unwavering.
But as the years press on, my walls have aged.
Cracks are now visible.
Rationalization seeps through, slowly.
Pain now enters.
My expectations are being invaded.
My doubts are being challenged.
This was not supposed to happen.
I built these walls; they are supposed to be my most trusted companion.
But now they are failing me.
The light is visible from within.
It hurts my heart.
The ache is almost unbearable.
I can no longer stay within the confines I have built for myself.
I must be free.
I need to be free.
They begin to crumble, layer by layer.
So I climb with every ounce of strength I have and find my way to the other side.
Hope begins to form in front of me.
I ask forgiveness of myself.
I ask forgiveness from the heap of stone behind me.
I have now found peace.

Image via Pinterest

Copyright © 2012 Chateau de Victoria. All Rights Reserved.


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